The Fuckaissance

 I'm posting this lengthy comment from Carolyn R Parsons, who can also be found on Substack.

Welcome to the Fuckaissance! Political Round up, April 21, 2025!

Hello Ducker lovers! It’s the roundup, the gathering of the news of the week! It’s been another big one with the GROTUS idioting hard, being the tariffic president he promised he’d be! Meanwhile, the important news is north of the border. Canadian political party leaders were campaigning all over the country! And there were two debates! There is exactly a week left until election day! If you TL;DR this I will understand. It’s been a minute.

1. I wrote a FB post called “two roads diverged” that lays out the difference between the two key leaders took different paths to leadership of their respective parties. After being shared nearly 2000 times the post has attracted the attention of right-wing trolls. Fake accounts are what homely, lonely, middle-aged slugs with bobbed hair cuts, or tattooed dudes with dog profile pictures do. Stop it. Grow up. Get a real life.

2. Cutting the toll on the Confederation Bridge from PEI and the ferry rates to PEI and NL by 50% is a game changer for the island provinces! It will help tourism and with two kids in the Maritimes at university, one at UPEI, the cost of getting them home for holidays will be drastically reduced! This is a Mark Carney promise. Poilievre has promised straws will be plastic once more because like everyone else obsessed with plastic straws, he sucks.

3. That’s right, on April 18th, 2025, Trump said he will end the ban on plastic straw use by restaurants. Oh, wait, that was Poilievre. I get those two mixed up a lot. Trump signed his executive order on a return to plastic straws back in February. You’d think a copy and paste platform would be faster than a real one but here we are.

4. In an effort to distance himself from Trump, Poilievre has started bragging about the size of the crowd at his rallies. A can of orange spray paint and the adoption of accordion hands is all he needs to be a real puppet. Because he’ll never be a real boy.

5. Liberals, NDP and Green parties have all released a costed platform. Now begins the taking numbers out of context and lying stage of things.

6. Conservatives have the concepts of a platform and it’s coming Tuesday, the day after the advance polls close. Their platform page, as I write, is a 404 error. You can’t make this shit up. Perhaps there was a technical issue like they were brainstorming a platform and ran short of brains.

7. Last week Canadian reporter Katie Simpson asked PLUMP’s (according to his doctor he’s only 223lbs) press secretary, KKKaroline Leavitt, if Trump had changed his mind about the 51st state and she replied that she “would reject that the president's position on Canada has shifted” and that “he believes Canadians would benefit from becoming the 51st state.” Well, that Fugly Ucker believes he looks good in a bad combover and Bronzer from Walmart too so that’s how valid his opinion is. Elbows up, Canucks.

8. There were debates. The civility was refreshing but only one leader was mature, and didn’t interrupt. Who won? The Canadian people. Because they got to see who they’re voting for and what they stand for, or don’t stand for. I voted for the adult in the room.

9. Who lost? Also, the Canadian people. Because on night two the post debate scrum was cancelled when Ezra Levant, Poilievre’s mentor, and his band of racist grifters who pose as journalists, forced the CBC broadcast team to go to tape to deal with the chaos and mayhem they were causing. The scrum allows for leaders to expand on questions from the people through our media. We lost that. Canadians lost that.

10. I’m posting a link to the article about Ezra Levant’s connection to Poilievre in the Substack version of this post. You can find a link to SS here. (https://carolynrparsons.substack.com/) Essentially, back in the day “little man big PP” ran an election campaign for “little man bad Ezra” and they’re friends. Nowadays Ezra runs the misinformation arm of the conservatives in Canada, and Pierre runs the political arm. It’s like they’re having an affair. They can exchange glances across the room but dare not be seen together in public.

11. When asked at the debate what the greatest threat to Canada is right now Mark Carney, in a surprising answer, said, “China”. Not the US and Trump but China. WTF? I now wonder what he knows that we don’t. After all he has a Top-Secret Security Clearance. Like a good leader should. Pepsicola Particleboard said, “rampant crime wave” which is as fictional as his claim that he won’t take away anyone’s rights.

12. A Twitter friend reports she played a drinking game by downing a shot every time Skippy said, “lost liberal decade” and in thirty minutes she couldn’t see out of her left ear.

13. A loud and assholerish bunch of wingnuts are showing up with bullhorns and F*ck Carney signs to Mark Carney’s rallies. “They’re not the conservative party,” apologists for these whackadoos cry. Perhaps not but they’re voting for Poilievre because they see themselves in him and those with our eyes open do too. No Liberals or NDP voters are showing up at Poilievre rallies with hate signs and it’s not just because they can’t stomach him. This nonsense is purely conservative behavior.

14. To excuse their alignment with the party, low information, eager-to-believers of Poilievre are claiming there is no proof that Skippy will remove people’s human rights. After all, both him and Carney are Catholics and if Carney can set aside his beliefs on abortion and gay marriage etc., then so can Poilievre. Right? Except Carney is the leader of a party that has these rights embedded in its constitution while Poilievre has voted against every human rights bill tabled in the last twenty years including marriage equality, and abortion rights. The party with over 80 MPs who are anti-women’s right to choose and was part of the government that defunded women’s reproductive clinics. If you voted for Poilievre and didn’t check his voting record, and think he’ll protect the rights of the marginalized you’re as dim as you are dense.

15. Neil Young has endorsed Mark Carney while Americans are shocked to learn he’s Canadian! Keep on shocking in America and rocking in the free world, Neil.

16. Benjamin Perrin, former Harper legal advisor endorsed Carney saying that “under Poilievre the conservative party has embraced conspiracy theories.”

17. Conservatives are shocked to learn that elections Canada allows people to use pencils to vote because under Poilievre the conservative party has embraced conspiracy theories. They always provided pencils. And Pierre has always been a kook.

18. Poilievre Promises LNG Canada Approval. That should be easy because it’s already approved. It got its provincial permits in 2015 and federal export licence the following year. It includes permissions for phase two! Can’t wait to see how much that costs him in the fully costed platform he is set to release any minute now. Error 404.

19. Pullalever Pisspots has said he will suspend the constitution to ensure that the maximum penalty for mass murderers is life, not eligible for parole at 25 years. This is a solution that doesn’t have a problem. No mass murderer has ever been given parole. Eligible for parole doesn’t mean gets parole. But the dim in society will believe it. The same crowd who rambles on about freedom thinks its perfectly find to suspend the constitution to solve a non-existent problem. This is what happens when you get your morals and ideas from Hypocrites R Us.

20. JD Vance, decked out in his best Miss Loreal eye liner, met with the pope.

21. Pope Francis died.

22. Don’t. Go. There. Sidenote: What is the Catholic church's stance on Couches?

23. In 2015 women voted in large numbers for Trudeau and Conservatives accused women of voting for him based on his looks. Now women appear to be supporting Carney in even larger numbers. It’s confusing conservatives who don’t get that women are voting for men who don’t make them feel they have to cover their drink if they’re in the room. It was never the hair. It was the decency. With Carney there is character, education, intelligence as well. Harper and his protegee are creeps.

24. The most important question of this campaign has been answered. Carney’s cat’s name is Niko.

25. Conservatives have a new ad! It’s two rich white dudes golfing, one of whom paid their kid’s down payment last year, talking about the election and their hard times. The lost liberal decade sure has been tough for rich white men who golf. However, today’s important issue is if they can afford gas for their massive, small dick compensation F-750 pick up trucks. Poor things.

26. The acting in this particular commercial was like me twerking. It’s something that should never be done for an audience. But when you get your actors on Wish dot com this is the quality you get.

27. Noticeably absent is the Conservative’s best bad actor, Poilievre. Even his old ads have new voiceovers. Someone finally understands his repulsion factor and that much of this season’s Norwalk virus was the Poilievre pukes each time one of these spots aired.

28. Poilievre says he’ll defund the CBC in the first 100 days but keep Radio because that’s pandering…er…important to Quebec. So what about the rest of us? What about Francophones in other parts of the country? Imagine getting rid of the thing that connects us most as Canadians, the home of This Hour has 22 MInutes and The National.

28.Someone complained that they wanted it gone because CBC paid the executives large bonuses. Of course the people who support this will shop at Loblaws, bank at banks and load up their carts at Wally world. They’ll buy a membership to Netflix and Amazon and Costco, but at $33 per person, CBC is the problem? Go away with your non-Canadian nonsense. I’d pay that for the second season of North of North. Good Lord, Canadians, we said buy Canadian and you’re supporting the country by supporting the party who will drop the Canadian broadcaster. You’re both anti Canadian and half cracked.

29. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate Easter. We’re getting a winter storm on Easter Monday! So that’s bullshit.

30. Sincere thank you to those who have recently joined me on Substack. It inspires me to continue!